


It's Easy To Lose Yourself, I Know

by elizvw



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Scars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28491543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizvw/pseuds/elizvw
Summary: The Pack goes off to fight the latest monster, leaving Stiles behind. As always, something goes wrong and Stiles has to help the big bad Alpha in his time of need. Surprisingly, Derek is a little less grumpy in his wolf form.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 6
Kudos: 132





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to try and post at least once a day. Between work and school, that may not happen, but I can still be hopeful.  
> Of course, Teen Wolf is not mine and I do not own any of the characters, but the story is mine.

Stiles was sitting on his bed, agitated, playing video games. Okay so he was agitated, but he was also a little hurt. Scott was supposed to be hanging out with him. They had planned to have a bro weekend. At first, he thought Scott was with Allison but when Allison answered her phone and told Stiles that she was not with Scott, he knew that the pack had gone off to fight something without him. He knew he was just the puny human but they could’ve at least come to him to do research. He just wanted to be included. Truth be told, that was something he had always longed for. This was just like middle school all over again. 

Stiles was pulled out of his thoughts when his phone rang.

“Oh so now you want to talk to me?” Stiles angrily declined the call and went back to his video game. He knew he was being petty but that was all he had right now.

Stile’s phone rang again. This time, it was Allison. Scott sighed, he didn’t have any reason to not answer her phone call.

“Hello?” Stiles sighed, already knowing what she was going to say.

“Stiles, you need to get to the Hale house.”

“Why should I do that Allison? The pack wants to leave me out, they clearly don’t want me to be there.”

“Stiles...they weren’t trying to leave you out. I promise. You just need to get to the Hale house, Scott will explain everything. Stiles, trust me please.”

Stiles didn’t have any reason to not trust Allison. And the concern in her voice worried him.

“Okay, okay. I’ll go over there.” Stiles hung up the phone and threw on his sweatshirt and grabbed his bat. You could never be too careful at the Hale house.

Stiles arrived at the house 10 minutes later and saw everyone sitting on the porch, heads hanging low. Stiles got a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“This can’t be good,” he mumbled to himself.

Stiles got out of the Jeep and walked up to the porch.

“What’s going on? Why do you all look sad?”

Scott walked up to Stiles. 

“Three nights ago, we were hunting something on the preserve. We lost contact with Derek. We found him last night. Stiles, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that we were hunting. We were actually hunting something that was hunting you and I couldn’t risk you being exposed like that.”

Stiles really didn’t know what to say. He felt like an idiot. Of all people, Stiles should know Scott would never purposefully leave him out of the pack like this.

“Thanks, man. So where did you find Derek? Is he okay?” 

The pack knew that as much as Stiles and Derek took jabs at each other, they were always concerned for the other. Truth be told, they were always concerned about everyone in the pack. 

“He’s…” Scott broke off and sighed. “Just go inside the house, you’ll see.” Scott patted Stiles on the shoulder and stepped off the porch.

Stiles took a deep breath and walked inside the house. This place always gave him the creeps...


	2. Chapter 2

“Derek?” Stiles listened for any movement or noise. When he didn’t hear anything, he walked further into the house. “Sourwolf?”

Stiles heard a growl from the corner of the room. He looked over and saw a shadow in the corner. Stiles walked a little closer. Damn the Sourwolf and his shadowy corners he loves to hide in.

“Don’t bite my head off okay? The pack called me here.”

Stiles heard another growl and moved closer. 

Stiles inhaled sharply when he finally got a look at Derek. Except it wasn’t the dark and brooding human Derek he was used to. The Derek he was currently looking at was the full wolf. His long black coat was dirty and matted, not at all what he looked like the last time Stiles saw him in full shift, some sort of gunk covered his eyes, and his ears were caked with dirt. 

Stiles kneeled down and slowly stuck his hand out for the wolf to sniff. Stiles wasn’t a werewolf, but he could still smell the awful chemicals that were on the wolf’s fur. 

Stiles watched as Derek sniffed his hand, sucking in long breaths to get past the chemical smell. When Derek finally realized it was Stiles in front of him, he relaxed and nudged Stiles’ hand slightly. 

“What happened to you big guy?” Stiles whispered to the wolf.

Derek only whined a little and scooted closer to the human. 

Scott walked up behind Stiles and gently touched his shoulder. Stiles jumped a little. He hadn’t heard Scott come in. The sudden movement caused Derek to growl and jump back into his corner.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare either of you. He wouldn’t let anyone get near him. I thought maybe he might be more calm if you were here. I don’t know what happened to him, but I think he was tortured by whatever creature we were hunting. I think he must’ve scared the thing off but whatever it did to him, he must’ve shifted to protect himself from the trauma.”

“How long do you think he’ll be like this?” 

“It’s hard to say honestly.”

“Well, he can’t stay here like this. He needs food and water, and he definitely needs a bath. I’ll take him home with me but it’s going to take some coaxing.”

“Okay. What do you need?” 

“I need everyone to leave. And I need you to bring me some meat. Maybe some chicken. And I need water and a paper bowl.”

“Okay. I’ll be back in a little while.”

“Thank you, Scott.”

Scott patted Stiles on the shoulder and gave him a little squeeze. He left quickly, telling everyone else to leave as well.

Stiles sighed and sat down, crossing his legs underneath him. 

Derek inched forward just a little bit to make sure it was just Stiles. Derek huffed a little bit and flopped his head down on the floor next to Stiles’ leg. 

Stiles stuck his hand out a little bit, testing the waters. Derek growled just a little.

“Okay, okay, I got it Sourwolf. Probably not a good idea anyway. You’re probably hungry. I don’t wanna be the big bad alpha’s next meal” Stiles said to himself. He wondered if Derek could actually hear him.

Derek huffed at Stiles, rolling his eyes at him. 

“Even as a wolf, you’re still rolling your eyes at me”

Stiles and Derek sat there for a while before Derek’s ears startled swiveling and he picked his head up, looking at the entryway. Derek shuffled back to the corner and growled low in his chest.

“Hey it’s okay, it’s just Scott. He’s bringing you some food. You want some food?”

Derek whined a little and shuffled closer to Stiles, drooling at the thought of food.

“Okay big guy, okay. Stay here and I’ll go get some food.”

Stiles walked outside to meet Scott. Scott handed over several bags of meat and everything else.

“Wait, I got you a sandwich. Have you eaten today?”

Stiles looked at his feet, “No” he mumbled quietly.

“Stiles, you know you gotta eat. Take the sandwich. Make sure you eat please or I’m going to sack Lydia on your ass.”

Stiles looked at Scott with wide eyes. “You wouldn’t”

“Don’t try me, Stiles Stilinski.”

“Fine, fine I’ll eat.”

“Good.”

Stiles gathered up all the supplies and went back to the house. He slowly sat down a little further away from the corner Derek was in. He wanted to coax him out a little bit. He ripped open the first package of steaks that Scott had gotten. He held it out a little bit so Derek could smell it. Derek snatched the steak out of his hand and quickly swallowed it.

“Don’t take my hand off please.” That earned him a small whine, which he took as an apology.

Stiles held out the next steak and Derek stepped forward a little and gingerly took the steak from Stiles’s hand, chewing a little this time before swallowing it.

“Do you want some more?”

Derek nudged Stiles’s hand a little, telling him he definitely wanted more.

Stiles opened the next pack, this one was chicken. He held out the chicken to Derek, pleased to see that he actually chewed this time. While Derek was chewing, Stiles decided he should eat his sandwich. 

Stiles started on the first half of his sandwich. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until just then. He was so wrapped up in his sandwich and didn’t realize Derek had gotten closer to him. He felt a small tap on his leg and looked over to see Derek sitting beside him, looking at him expectantly.

“Ready for more?”

Derek shook his head a little, still looking expectantly at him.

“Do you want some water?”

Derek tapped his leg a little. Stiles pulled out the bottle of water and opened the cap.

“Bowl?” 

Derek cocked his head a little as if he was thinking about it. He didn’t particularly want the bowl so he nudged the bottle of water with his nose. Stiles tilted the water bottle just a little bit to allow Derek to stick his tongue in the bottle to lap up some water. Once Derek had enough, Stiles put the cap back on the water. 

“Will you let me take you home?”

Derek growled a little bit. He didn’t want to leave the safety of his childhood home.

“Fine. Stay here then.” Stiles was frustrated. The Sourwolf never knew how to accept help. It was frustrating enough when he was human, but somehow it was more frustrating when he was a wolf. 

Stiles picked up the meat packages and gathered everything up. He walked out to his Jeep and loaded everything up. He got into his Jeep and started it up, throwing it into drive. As he looked up to give the old, burned out house one last look, he saw the wolf standing on the porch.


	3. Chapter 3

He sighed and put the Jeep back in park and opened his door, getting out slowly. He watched as Derek made his way down the stairs slowly and limped his way over to the Jeep. Stiles walked to the passenger side and opened the door for the wolf to let him in. Derek tried hopping into the Jeep but he was still a little weak from dehydration and the torture. Luckily, Stiles was standing right behind him and caught him before he fell, helping him the rest of the way into the Jeep. Stiles climbed back in his Jeep and started back home. He looked over to check on Derek and saw the wolf looking at him.

“What is it Sourwolf?”

Derek, much to Stiles’s surprise, leaned over slowly and touched his nose to Stiles’s shoulder.

Stiles smiled a little at the wolf. “Yeah, I understand” 

Stiles could’ve sworn he heard the wolf give a small noise of contentment.

“Will you let me give you a bath?”

Derek touched his nose to Stiles’s shoulder again and let it remain there for a second longer than the last time.

Stiles took his hand off the steering wheel and held it out to Derek, hoping maybe the wolf would let Stiles touch him. Derek bumped Stiles’s hand gently until it was resting behind his ears. Stiles gave a little scratch and was pleased when Derek leaned into the touch. Stiles’s hand remained there until they got home. He helped Derek out of the Jeep and grabbed the bag with the meat in it. He walked into the house and saw his dad sitting on the couch, watching a football game. 

“Stiles where is--” Noah turned around and saw the big wolf standing right beside Stiles’s legs.

“Dad… it’s Derek.” Stiles gave his dad a sad look as the Sheriff walked over.

“What happened?” Noah looked at Derek curiously. He had never seen the Alpha in full wolf form.

“I don’t really know for sure but we think he was tortured. He transformed into his full wolf form to protect himself.” Stiles sighed. He was sad for Derek and he knew Derek could smell it on him because he felt the wolf lean into him a little. 

“How long will he be like this?” Noah stuck his hand out a little and allowed Derek to smell it.

“I’m not sure. Until he gets comfortable enough to come back to us.”

“Okay. Well...we’ll take care of him until he comes back.”

“Thanks, Dad...have you eaten yet?”

“No. have you?”

“Yeah, Scott brought me a sandwich earlier. I’ve got some meat that Scott brought for Derek.”

“Why don’t you go take him upstairs for a bath, and I’ll cook us these steaks. Does that sound good Derek?”

Derek walked over and gently licked Noah’s hand to show his appreciation.

“Okay. Let me go find some towels and I’ll get him upstairs.”

Stiles headed off to the linen cabinet and left Noah with Derek.

Noah leaned down slowly to be at eye level with Derek.

“Yanno...he never lets me eat red meat” 

Derek looked at Noah and gave him a wolfy smile.

“Did you just smile at me?”

Derek bumped Noah’s hand with his nose and huffed.

Stiles came back with several towels and looked at his dad and Derek, smiling fondly.

“Alright c’mon big guy, let’s get you cleaned up.” 

Derek slowly stood up and ambled up the stairs behind Stiles. When they got to the bathroom, Stiles turned the water on to let it warm up. He took off his sweatshirt and his shoes.

“In you go, big guy. I hope you’re okay with smelling like me.” 

Derek huffed and climbed into the bathtub, sitting down and letting Stiles soak him down the showerhead.

“Let’s do the hard parts first. I gotta get this gunk out of your eyes and the dirt out of your ears.” 

Derek whined. That was going to hurt.

Stiles grabbed a washcloth and started wiping the gunk out of Derek’s eyes gently. Once he was satisfied that it was all out, he grabbed the showerhead and turned it down to the lowest setting, and went to work unclogging the dirt from Derek’s ears. 

“Did I get it all out?” Stiles smoothed his hand over Derek’s head. Derek leaned into it a little bit and sighed. 

Stiles grabbed his shampoo and showed it to Derek before squirting it over his body. Derek inhaled deeply. The scent of Stiles calmed him down oddly. He smelled like pack and safety. He could also still smell the concern radiating off Stiles. Derek leaned into Stiles’s hand and closed his eyes as Stiles massaged the shampoo into his body. He could smell the concern slowly subsiding from Stiles. Once Stiles had fully worked the shampoo through the wolf’s fur, he turned the water back on and rinsed it out. He turned the water off and grabbed a towel from the counter and towel-dried Derek off.

“Do you want me to comb you?” Stiles asked gently.

Derek whined a little and nudged Stiles to indicate yes, he very much wanted to be combed out. It had been a long time since anyone had bathed and combed him. 

Stiles chuckled a little, “Okay big guy. Sit down and let me brush you.”

Derek sat down and patiently waited for Stiles to return with a brush.

Stiles sat down in front of Derek and began trying to detangle his fur. It was so thick that the comb broke.

“I might need a female’s help...can I bring Lydia over here?”

Derek growled a little but nudged Stiles anyway because he hated his fur being this knotted.

Stiles grabbed his phone off the counter and called Lydia.

“Lydia, are you busy right now? Okay. I need your help. I’ve got Derek over here. Yes, yes he is in wolf form. Here's the thing, his fur is really knotted but I don’t have any conditioner or detangler and I’ve already broken a comb trying to detangle his fur...Okay, yes. Okay. Thank you.”

Stiles looked over at Derek and sighed. 

“Apparently, you’re not supposed to use a comb on wet fur.” Stiles shrugged his shoulders and watched as Derek did the same.

“Well she will be over a bit so let’s go get you some food while we wait, yeah?”

Derek whined and wagged his tail just a bit, following Stiles out of the bathroom and down the stairs.


	4. Chapter 4

“I made Derek’s steak medium-rare. How’d the bath go?”

Derek limped into the kitchen and stood next to Noah, looking up at him expectantly. Noah looked down and smiled a little at him. He looked at Stiles, “Do I need to cut it up for him?”

“I don’t know, honestly. You know you can talk to him, right? He’ll let you know what he wants and doesn’t want. Also, Lydia is coming over to help me detangle his fur.”

“Oh, okay. I feel a little bit weird talking to a wolf. Okay Derek, should I cut your steak?”

Derek whined and nudged Noah’s hand.

“That means yes, correct? Stiles?” Noah looked up to see that Stiles had passed out on the couch.

“Okay, Derek it looks like it’s just me and you right now. So I assume you mean yes. Should I cut it into bites?” That got a growl out of Derek.

“Okay, how about quarters?” Derek nudged Noah’s hand and gave it a quick lick.

Noah cut the steak into quarters and put it on the plate. He grabbed his plate, beer, and A1 and sat down on the floor. Derek cocked his head in a questioning way at the Sheriff's actions.

“What? I’m not gonna let you sit at the table but I don’t wanna make you eat alone. Okay, sue me I’m secretly a soft dude.” Derek smiled at the Sheriff and huffed out a wolf version of a laugh. 

Noah poured some A1 sauce on his own steak and cut a piece off to eat. Suddenly, a large nose was sniffing at the steak.

“You wanna try the A1?”

Derek looked at Noah. “I think you’ll like it. Here, try it.” Noah put some A1 on his finger and let Derek lick it off. Derek made a noise between a purr and a rumble.

“Yeah, it’s good stuff, isn’t it? Okay here try it on your steak.” Noah stabbed the steak with his fork and held it out to Derek who took it off the fork gently and chewed it. Noah took a sip of his beer and held the can out to Derek for a sip. 

“Look at that, I’d never thought I would share a beer with Derek Hale, and here we are.” Derek slowly leaned forward and touched his nose to Noah’s shoulder. They sat like that on the floor until all the steak and beer were gone. 

Noah went to stand up off the floor but almost fell back down. Derek shoved Noah the rest of the way up with his shoulder and looked up at him to make sure he was okay.

“Thanks. These old bones sometimes get a little stiff. You’re lucky you don’t have to get old so fast. This old shit sucks.”

Derek leaned against Noah’s legs a little as he cleaned up from their dinner. 

There was a knock at the door, causing Derek to growl.

Stiles shot up off the couch, “Derek??”

Derek trotted over to Stiles and whined at the panic that he could smell.

“Sorry buddy, I thought something was wrong. It’s just Lydia. Come on in Lydia!”

Lydia opened the door, carrying a large bag in one hand and a tub of ice cream in the other hand. “Hey, guys. Where's the big bad wolf?” Lydia looked around until she spotted the wolf glaring at her.

“Oh please Derek, don’t give me that look. Let’s go, up the stairs or no ice cream for you.” Derek huffed but made his way up the stairs in front of Lydia.

Stiles and Noah looked at each other. 

“Good luck.” Noah patted Stiles on the shoulder.

“I’m not the one who needs the luck. Lydia is a force to be reckoned with.” Stiles made his way to his bedroom. He stopped outside his door and listened to Lydia talking to Derek.

“I brought some detangler to make it easier to brush your fur out. Don’t worry, it’s unscented. I know you like the way Stiles smells.” Derek whined a little at Lydia.

Stiles felt his heart rate pick up. _He likes the way I smell?_

Stiles walked into his bedroom and sat down next to Lydia.

“Thank you for coming over,” he said quietly.

“Of course. How are you dealing with this?”

“What? Oh I’m fine”

“Stiles, you are stressed. I can see it on your face.”

Stiles sighed. “Okay fine. Maybe I am stressed. I’m worried about him. I’m worried that he won’t find his way back to-” Stiles sighed for the 100th time today.

“He will, Stiles. Don’t worry. Why don’t you lay down and let me do my work.”

“Can I have some ice cream though?” Stiles gave Lydia puppy dog eyes. He knew she was unable to resist those eyes. Most people thought Stiles had a crush on Lydia but the truth was he wasn’t interested in girls. She and Scott were the only ones that knew though.

“Ugh. You know I can’t resist those puppy dog eyes. But you have to share with Derek.” Derek’s ears perked up at that and Lydia chuckled.

“Yes, I brought your favorite ice cream for you.”

An hour later Lydia had finally gotten Derek detangled. 

“Don’t stay up too late boys. Call me if you need anything.” Both Derek and Stiles grunted at Lydia as she walked out the door.

Stiles stripped his pants off and put on some basketball shorts. It’s not what he would usually sleep in but he felt it was better that way. He didn’t want his body reacting the wrong way. He really didn’t want the big bad alpha knowing how he truly felt about him. 

Stiles grabbed the remote and sat down on the bed next to Derek. He turned toward the TV and turned it on, flipping through the channels hoping to find something good. 

“Netflix it is then,” Stiles said mainly to himself. He decided to start the Star Wars movies again. 

“Are you staying up here with me?” Stiles looked back at Derek who gave him a small nudge.

“Do you wanna get under the covers?” 

Derek huffed and stood up so Stiles could pull the covers back and slide in. He pulled the covers back to allow Derek to slide under as well. He laid down on the opposite side of the bed away from Stiles. 

Stiles couldn’t lie to himself and say that it didn’t bother him that Derek chose to lay as far away from him as possible. Clearly Derek would never feel the same way about Stiles. Stiles sighed and rolled away from Derek, burying himself in his covers.

Stiles had just drifted off when he heard a knock on his door.

“Stiles, I gotta go to the station. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“‘Kay Dad. Be careful” Stiles gave his dad a thumbs up and pulled the covers over his head, trying to go back to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Derek had just fallen asleep when he heard a whimper come from the other side of Stiles’s bed. He lifted his head up and sniffed the air, getting a whiff of the slight smell of panic and fear. The whimpers grew louder and he realized that Stiles was having a nightmare. Had Derek been in his human form--something he wasn’t ready for yet--he would’ve just shook Stiles awake. His wolf paws, though, wouldn't be very useful at doing that. He opted for using his head to try and nudge Stiles awake. 

“NO! STOP GET AWAY” Stiles screamed, voice cracking.

Derek jumped down off the bed and trotted over to Stiles side, grabbing the comforter and pulling it off Stiles’s head. He gently grabbed Stiles’s wrist in his mouth and tugged, hoping to pull him out of the nightmare, but it didn’t work. Derek had no other way to get him to wake up so he jumped on top of Stiles and stuck his cold nose right in the boy's face.

Stiles jerked awake and looked up to see Derek staring right at him. The wolf began sniffing Stiles face, making sure he was okay. Once he was satisfied that Stiles was uninjured, he began rubbing his snout against Stiles’s neck. 

To anyone else, that would’ve been annoying or very weird, at the least, but Stiles knew what Derek was doing so he left the wolf to continue to scent him. Derek swiped his tongue over Stiles’s face quickly and laid down beside him.

“Thank you,” Stiles said quietly. Derek looked him in the eyes intently. 

“I was having a nightmare...I was uh being chased down in the woods,” Stiles’s voice cracked and he inhaled sharply, trying not to cry. Derek stuck his nose into the boy's neck and blew out a soft breath, scenting him again. It was comforting for wolves to do that with their pack members. Even for the human, it worked to calm him down, knowing that his Alpha was there to protect and comfort him. 

Stiles closed his eyes and put his arm around Derek, slipping back into a more peaceful sleep. 


	6. Chapter 6

Stiles was woken up by a loud ringing. He grunted and tried to get up but quickly found that he was unable to move. Stiles opened his eyes and found that Derek was curled right next to him with his head laying on Stiles’s chest. 

“As comfortable as this is Derek, I really gotta get up and pee.”

Derek opened his eyes and grunted, but slowly got up off Stiles and stretched. Stiles went to his bathroom and did his business, brushing his teeth after he was done. 

Stiles walked back into his room to see Derek rubbing his snout on different pieces of furniture in Stiles’s room.

“I’m not even going to ask.”

Derek huffed and walked towards the door, following Stiles down the stairs. Stiles opened the door to the backyard for Derek and then went about making breakfast for the three of them, knowing his dad would be home soon. 

Stiles heard his dad’s cruiser pull up as he had begun pouring pancake batter into the pan. He had already cut up the fruit and put it in a bowl on the table.

“Morning Stiles.”

“Morning Dad. How was your shift?”

“Eh. There was a murder right on the county line so we had to work with the town over and they don’t like to share information. So to sum it up, it was very frustrating.”

“That sucks, sorry to hear it”

“Eh. It's fine. Those pancakes smell good though.”

“Thanks. Do you think it’ll be safe for Derek to eat them? I don’t want to give him dog food”

“Um...I think it’ll be okay. Maybe just give him lots of water. Speaking of...where is he?”

Derek walked back inside at that very moment, stopping to nudge the door shut with his shoulder. Derek did a little yip to say hello to the Sheriff.

Noah chuckled and bent down to scratch Derek behind the ears.

“Yanno, I’ve never seen a dog that takes care of himself and closes the doors behind him.”

Derek growled a little and nipped the Sheriff's hand a little. 

“He doesn’t like to be called a dog. He's Derek, not a dog. The big bad alpha.” Stiles chuckled to himself as he flipped the last of the pancakes onto the big plate. 

“Breakfast is served” 

Stiles made a small bowl of fruit for Derek and cut a few pancakes up on a plate for the wolf to munch on. They ate in silence for a while until Derek growled low and threatening in his throat.

“What is it, big guy?” Stiles looked down at Derek, whose eyes were glowing red. 

Noah grabbed his gun off his belt and stood up slowly, trying to listen for anything that might indicate a threat. Derek moved around the kitchen and stood right beside the Sheriff, ready to attack if necessary. He had become very protective of the man in the last few days. 

There was a knock at the door that caused Stiles and his dad to jump. Noah walked over to the door slowly and looked through the peephole.

“It's just Parrish, the new deputy.” Noah put his gun back in his belt and opened the door. 

Derek walked back over to Stiles and stood right beside him, still on edge. Stiles put his hand on Derek's side and patted him gently, trying to calm him down.

“Sheriff, I was able to convince the deputy from Beacon Meadows to share their files on the murder. I was looking at them, and I was a little confused so I thought I’d bring them to you.”

“Come on in then Parrish. Do you want some breakfast? Stiles made pancakes.”

Parrish’s stomach growled and he looked at the Sheriff a little sheepishly. “Yes, actually that would be wonderful.”

“You want some coffee too?” Stiles asked as he fixed the deputy a big pile of pancakes and a bowl of fruit. 

Parrish and the Sheriff had already gotten lost in the files and Stiles never got a response. He fixed three cups of coffee for them and brought the plate to Parrish while he waited for the last cup to finish making. 

Parrish looked up at Stiles, startling at his sudden presence. “Thank you.”

Stiles smiled at him, moving back to the kitchen to gather the three cups. He sat down next to his dad on the couch and handed out the cups. Derek sat right next to him, still on alert but not quite as rigid. 

Parrish left a couple of hours after he had gotten there, thanking Stiles for the food and coffee and telling the Sheriff that he’d see him the next day.

The Sheriff sighed and looked over at Stiles. “Did anything about that file seem weird to you?”

“What, you mean like the fact that not everything is in that file? Or the fact that someone in the department has clearly tried to cover something up?” 

“That's what I thought. But why would someone in the department be trying to cover something up? And what information do they not want us to know?”

“I’m not sure, but they did a very bad job of trying to cover everything up.”

“I need to go out there and take another look for myself. By the time we got there, the body had already been messed with and the scene had been trampled on.”

Derek prodded over to the Sheriff and sat down by his feet, looking up at him.

“What do you think Derek? Something seem fishy to you?” 

Derek just huffed and walked back over to Stiles, laying at his feet. 

“I think I’m going to head upstairs and try to get some sleep before I have to head back to the station.”

“Okay. Night Dad.”

Stiles got up and stretched, walking into the kitchen, Derek following him the whole way, to get some popcorn and a soda before heading back upstairs. Stiles turned on the next movie in the Star Wars series, determined to finish them all before winter break ended. He still had two weeks left, so he was pretty sure he would be able to finish them all. Derek was laid on the other side of the bed. 

Stiles’s feelings were still a little hurt that the wolf wouldn’t lay near him in the bed. The only time he would actively touch Stiles was when he was trying to tell him something. He would let Stiles touch him but he didn’t seek out Stiles for affection or touch. He understood that Derek was a very closed off person but he was trying his best to help the man feel safe enough to open up to him. 

Stiles was pulled out of his thoughts by a low whine coming from Derek. Stiles looked over to see that the wolf had fallen asleep and was fidgeting in his sleep. Stiles supposed he was having a nightmare, so he gently put his hand on Derek’s back and began rubbing him soothingly. Derek jumped up with a yelp, frantically looking around the room.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe. You’re with me.” Stiles talked soothingly to Derek, trying to calm him down.

“Why don’t we go for a drive, huh?” Stiles got up and threw on an extra sweatshirt and grabbed his keys as Derek stretched and jumped off his bed. When they got out to Stiles’s jeep, Stiles opened the door for Derek and then closed it behind him. Stiles put some music on, hating to drive in silence. He sang quietly along to the song as they made their way through the neighborhood and out into town.

_ Up on the mountain, I see down below _

_ It’s easy to lose yourself, I know _

_ Can’t hear what you’re shouting, I’m deaf to your show _

_ It’s easy to lose your self-control _

“Yanno, I know you can’t talk because you’re in your wolf form, but I want you to know that when you’re ready to come back to m--us, I’ll be here for you. No matter what you need, or what time it is, you can always come to me. And I know that’s sappy and you’re not that guy but I’m saying this to you while you’re in your wolf form so you can’t talk back to me.” Stiles sighed and looked over at the wolf in his passenger seat. He was a little startled to see how intensely Derek was staring at him. Derek reached over and gently nudged Stiles shoulder, the wolf’s form of appreciation, and gave a soft rumble. 

“You’re a very beautiful wolf, yanno?” Derek huffed at that, but pressed his nose a little harder into Stiles’s shoulder and huffed out a breath, scenting him. 

“I know you scent me so that other werewolves know that you’re my Alpha and I belong to your pack...but does my scent work the same way?” Stiles looked over and saw the faint glow of red in Derek’s eyes. It sent a little shiver down his spine.

“Yes Sourwolf, you’re my Alpha. Do you like it when I say that, big guy?” Derek rumbled and his eyes glowed red, confirming what Stiles was saying. 

“The big bad Alpha likes to know I belong to him, doesn’t he?”

Derek practically purred against Stiles’ shoulder, his eyes glowing brighter. Stiles made the turn to head back home, his eyes growing a little heavy with the warmth of Derek’s face against his shoulder. It was a comforting warmth and it made him feel safe. 

When they got back home, Derek and Stiles trudged back up the stairs and climbed back into the bed.

“I hope you know that you’re always safe here, no matter what form you’re in.” Stiles told Derek as he slid under the covers. Derek waited until Stiles had slid into the bed to jump up with him. Instead of laying all the way on the other side of the bed, Derek curled up right next to Stiles and flopped his head down on the bed. 

Stiles froze in shock for just a moment. He hadn’t expected Derek to do that. After a moment, he relaxed and rolled over to his other side, and turned out the lamp next to his bed. They both slept soundly for the rest of the night, comforted in the presence of each other. 


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Stiles decided to go see Deaton and see if there was anything he could do to help Derek. He also wanted to pick up some more books on magic and runes so he could start practicing. He had been putting it off long enough but he decided it was time to start being more useful to the pack. 

Stiles was in the shower, thinking about last night and Derek’s sudden closeness in his bed when he heard a thump against the door.

“Dad?” Stiles called out. The only person that would do that would be his father. But Stiles knew that his dad had left earlier for his shift. 

He heard a low whine from the other side of the door and realized it was Derek headbutting the door.

“I’ll be out in a minute dude, calm down before you break my door.” 

Stiles turned the water off shortly after that and wrapped a towel around his waist. He opened the door to see Derek sitting there, waiting for him.

“What's wrong?” 

Derek walked up to Stiles and sniffed his legs before pushing him into his bedroom.

“Alright, alright. I’m getting dressed. Why are you in such a hurry to leave the house? Jeez.” Stiles pulled a pair of boxers out of his dresser and put them on, not really caring if Derek saw his ass or not. He found a pair of jeans in his closet and threw them on before going to find a shirt. 

“While we’re out, we need to go by the loft and grab some clothes for you so you're not running around naked if you decide to shift back.” Stiles looked back to make sure Derek understood what he was saying. He went back to digging through his closet to find a shirt, he really needed to do some laundry. He finally found a shirt and held it up to make sure it wasn’t wrinkled. He laid it on the bed while he grabbed his deodorant. When he turned back around, Derek was up on the bed, rubbing his nose all over Stiles’ shirt.

“Der, don’t you think I smell like you enough as it is? I have no doubt that any werewolf that got within 50 feet of me would instantly know that I belong to an Alpha.” 

Derek rumbled and his eyes glowed as he jumped off the bed and walked toward the door. Stiles just rolled his eyes and threw the shirt on anyway. 

Stiles pulled into a parking spot outside of Deaton’s clinic and hopped out, walking around to the passenger side to let Derek out. 

“C’mon big guy” Derek huffed at Stiles as he closed the door.

Stiles and Derek walked into the clinic and were greeted by Deaton. 

“Well our local Alpha seems to be doing better. How’s he been?” Deaton looked down at Derek who was standing right beside Stiles, leaning against him slightly. 

“He’s doing a lot better. I’ve been feeding him as much as I can, but I don’t think he likes what I make for him.” 

Derek rumbled in his throat a little and leaned a little more into Stiles's legs. It was Derek’s wolfy way of appreciation, Stiles knew that, but he still felt like he wasn’t doing the best job of taking care of Derek. 

“Well, I’m sure if he didn’t like it, he wouldn’t eat it. So what brings you here today?”

“Well, I came by for two reasons. I wanted to get some of those books you mentioned, and I also wanted to see if there was anything else I could be doing to help Derek.”

“Okay. Let me get the books and I’ll be right back.” Derek ducked into the back and was only gone for a moment when he came back with a bag. 

“These are a few books I think will be good to start with and there are a few more things in there that I think will help with Derek. I’m sure you will understand when you read what I’ve included. As for other things--why don’t you take him for a run every couple of days? Try bringing a few members of the pack to your house and let them be around him. But don’t bring the whole pack at once, that might overwhelm him. If you need anything else, give me a call.”

“Thanks, Deaton”

Deaton nodded at them and disappeared into the back.

After they left Deaton’s office, Stiles went to Derek’s loft to grab some clothes for him. Stiles went to leave but stopped when he saw a hoodie in Derek’s closet. He knew Derek probably wouldn’t need it, but he grabbed it anyway. 

Once they were back home, Stiles took everything out of the bag and placed it in front of him on his bed. Derek was lying right beside him, inspecting everything as Stiles pulled it out of the bag. 

There were three large books, a vial of liquid, a necklace, mountain ash, rosemary, juniper, and thyme.

Stiles read the paper that Deaton had placed in the bag. The books and herbs were for him to practice with, the liquid was a sleep remedy that would help with nightmares, and the necklace was a protection stone for him to wear while he practiced. The note also said that it was protection against most things and it was probably a good idea to wear it all the time. Stiles held the necklace up to Derek for him to sniff. When Derek touched it with his nose, the stone glowed a deep red momentarily, sparked a little, and then gave off a little smoke. Stiles looked at Derek and then back at the stone. He looked at the note to see if Deaton had included anything about what had just happened.

_ “If Derek happens to touch the stone, do not worry about the glowing and sparkling. It is normal for that to happen when it comes into contact with an Alpha. You will read more about this in the books I have given you.” _

“Huh. Alright.” Stiles slipped the necklace around his neck. He placed the other items that Deaton gave him in the bottom drawer of his desk and opened the first book. 

Stiles became so wrapped up in his book that he didn’t realize three hours had passed until Derek nudged him and whined a little. 

“What is it, big guy?” Stiles looked at the clock and realized that it was lunchtime. While he wasn’t actually hungry, Derek would be. He got up and stretched, popping his bones as he did. 

Stiles scoured the kitchen for something to eat, he realized he was hungry when he went to look for food, but came up empty. He settled on ordering pizza for the two of them. Meat lovers and a cheese pizza. When the pizza arrived, they sat in the kitchen.

“Yanno those books that Deaton gave me are supposed to help me understand and practice this ‘magic’ I supposedly have in me.” Stiles fiddled with his fingers as he spoke. He had a hard time believing that he was anything more than just the token human of the pack. He was hardly a part of the pack. He had considered himself part of the pack, but no one acknowledged or said he was actually a part of the pack. He had just kept it to himself. Even though he was taking care of Derek while he was a wolf, it was really just because no one else was immune to Derek’s intimidation. Stiles sighed, hating that he could make himself this depressed. He tried not to let it show, hoped no one knew how dark his own mind could be. 

Stiles felt a wetness on his hand and suddenly realized he was crying. Desperate to not show weakness in front of the Alpha currently sitting on the floor beside him, he quickly stood up and ran upstairs to his bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

_ So fucking stupid, crying because you're so fucking useless and weak.  _

Stiles slid down the wall until he was sitting and curled his knees up to his chest, crying silently to himself. He was unsure of how long he sat there but he was pulled from his thoughts by a whine. He wiped his eyes on his shirt and stood up, washed his face, put a fake smile on his face, and walked out the door. The wolf looked up at him and whined, circling around Stiles’s legs and pushing him toward his bedroom like he had earlier that morning. 

Derek pushed Stiles until his knees hit his bed and he fell backward onto it.

“I’m fine, Derek,” Derek growled at that and Stiles sighed.

“Damn chemosignals. Okay, I’ll be fine. Just a brief moment of self-pity and depression.” Derek whined and jumped up on the bed, sniffing Stiles's face as if to say ‘I know you were crying’.

Stiles tried to push the wolf off of him but was largely unsuccessful. The wolf didn’t even budge when Stiles pushed him.

“Derek. Get. Off. I’m fine.” Stiles was growing more frustrated. He knew Derek was just being his usual wolf self, but he really didn’t need pity--especially from someone who really didn’t give a damn. 

“Derek! I said GET OFF!” Stiles was thoroughly done with Derek. The rage that he kept bottled up inside him was finally let loose as he pushed up with all his strength. He expected to at least throw the wolf off balance but what happened shocked them both. Stiles' amber-colored eyes glowed and he threw the wolf off him completely, causing him to land in a heap across the room. 

Stiles was panicked. He didn’t know what had happened or how he did what he did but his panic quickly bubbled to the surface and suddenly, he couldn't breathe. He couldn't _breathe._ He stumbled into his bathroom and slammed the door behind him, sinking to his knees.


	8. Chapter 8

He couldn’t breathe. Everything was blurry. His whole body was shaking. Stiles scratched at his arms, trying to claw his way out of the panic. He clawed until he drew blood. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears. He tried to listen past the rush of blood, tried to find something else to listen to. He felt like he was in the middle of the ocean and the current was pulling him under, pulling deeper and deeper. Maybe this was how he would go out. And wasn’t that funny? Of all the shit he had been through and this would be his kryptonite. It was rather fitting. He had carefully built a life raft that he managed to keep floating, and his panic was the wave that was going to destroy it. And when he felt like he was really about to drown, two strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him out of his ocean, saving him from the depths of his despair. Faintly, he heard his name, like it was a whisper or maybe a carefully guarded secret. 

“Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay. Come back Stiles, come back. I’ve got you, you’re going to be okay” Stiles could hear past the rush of blood, to the deep, calming voice, a lifeboat for him to hang onto, to protect him against the waves. He clung to it, clung to the soothing voice, let it pull him back up until he breached the surface until he could breathe again.

He could smell pine and leather and he suddenly realized Derek was holding him tight, rocking him back and forth, running a soothing hand through his hair.

“De-Derek?”

“Yeah. I’ve got you, Stiles. You’re okay.”

“You shifted back.” Stiles scrunched his face at his comment on the obvious. He was always saying stupid shit. 

Stiles sobbed against Derek. He cried for what felt like hours. He cried until his voice was scratchy and his throat was on fire.

“You okay?”

Stiles cleared his throat, “Yeah…” he whispered.

Derek slipped his arms underneath Stiles’s knees and picked him up easily, carrying him to his bed and laid him down gently. 

“I was supposed to be helping you deal with your trauma and you had to deal with my weak pathetic panic attack.” Stiles’s voice cracked and he pulled his knees up to his chest. “I’m sorry I threw you across the room” 

Derek sat down against the headboard and pulled Stiles back into his lap.

“I’m not gonna lie, it did surprise me. But Stiles, you’re not pathetic and you’re not weak. You didn’t hurt me, I promise.” 

“Yeah, but what did I do? There's no way that I could throw you across the room on my own. What if-”

“It’s not the Nogitsune. If it was, I would’ve smelled it already. We just have to figure out what happened.”

“What if it's something bad?”

“Well, we’ll deal with that when we get there. Okay?”

“We?”

“Yes, we. I’m not going to let you go through this alone. You’re pack, I’m your Alpha, you--you’re important to m-us.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, how about we get your arms and legs cleaned up?”

Stiles looked down at his arms, realizing just how bad he had scratched himself. He looked at his legs too, not realizing he had scratched those too. He froze. His legs had scars on them that he didn’t want anyone to see, especially not Derek.

“What is it? What's wrong?”

“Uh, nothing. My legs aren’t that bad, I can clean them up later. You shouldn’t have to take care of me.”

“Stiles…” Derek sighed and lifted the pants leg of Stiles basketball shorts up just a little bit, revealing deep scratches.

Tears welled up in Stiles’s eyes as Derek carried him back to the bathroom and sat him on the side of the tub.

“Take your shorts off, they go further up your thighs.” 

Stiles sat there, numbly, trying to keep the panic at bay. Derek knelt down in front of him and frowned a little at Stiles’s rising heartbeat. Derek gently grabbed Stiles around his waist and lifted him up enough to grab the waistband of his shorts and pull them down. He began cleaning the blood off Stiles’s thighs with a wet washcloth. As he cleaned the blood away, he saw the white lines of old scars on Stiles’s thighs. His wolf howled at the many scars.  _ Pain. sorrow. Pack. fix. Love. care.  _

Stiles shut his eyes tight when he heard the sharp breath that Derek took. Derek didn’t say anything though, just finished cleaning the scratch marks and put bandages on them. He moved to the ones on Stiles’s arms, cleaning and dressing them the same way. 

After Derek had put the supplies away, he picked Stiles up and carried him back to his bed, pulling him back into his lap. Stiles buried himself in Derek’s chest, not caring how pathetic he looked at this point. Derek put his hands on Stiles's thigh, pulling the pain away from him. Once he had pulled as much pain as he could take, he settled on running a soothing hand along his leg, each pass going higher until he reached the old scars. He ran his thumb along them. He realized then that the scars went higher, up along Stiles's hips and onto his sides. He dropped a little kiss onto his temple, holding him tighter.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Derek whispered against Stile’s ear.

Stiles shivered a little at the closeness and warmth along his ear. He shook his head, “I’m not ready”

“Okay. When you are, I’ll be here. I promise.”

Stiles nodded against Derek’s chest, clutching his shirt in his hand. For his part, Derek sat there quietly, basking in his ability to be able to hold Stiles in his human arms--opposable thumbs were great. Derek slowly slipped his hand underneath Stiles’s shirt, trying to feel the full extent of the scars on Stiles’s body.  _ Our human.  _ **_Shut up. He’s not “ours”. He’s not even mine._ ** _ Ours.  _

Derek tilted his face towards Stiles, leaning closer toward his ear, “Do you want to watch a movie? Maybe take your mind off things?” 

Stiles shivered slightly, but nodded, getting up to find a movie to watch. Derek began to move Stiles out of his lap, which earned him a tiny whimper of disappointment. Had he not been a werewolf, he wouldn’t have heard it. Derek’s wolf howled in delight to know that Stiles was enjoying his presence and his touch. 

“I’ll be right back, I’m just gonna go use the restroom and then grab some water for us.” Stiles looked up at Derek with his wide, honey, and amber eyes and nodded.

When Derek was in the restroom, he pulled his phone out and texted Lydia to let her know that he was back on two legs and also that Stiles had a panic attack. Derek and Stiles weren’t extremely close before he decided to hoof it as a wolf, but Derek had seen one of Stiles’s more mild panic attacks while he was at the loft one time. He had got through that one but this panic attack was worse. Stiles was currently being non-verbal. He had thought he read briefly somewhere that non-verbal reactions after panic attacks were how you knew it was a bad panic attack. After Derek had relieved himself, he went to the kitchen and decided he wanted some popcorn while he was downstairs. 

Derek:  **I’m back on two legs.**

Lydia:  **Well, I suppose my calculations were a little off. I had calculated one more month. I’ll have to readjust for next time.**

Derek:  **Next time? Okay, whatever. I shifted back because Stiles had a really bad panic attack and I didn’t know what to do. I really couldn’t do anything on four legs. Plus...I was part of what caused him to have a panic attack, I think…**

Lydia:  **Did he scratch his arms?**

Derek:  **Yes. And his thighs.**

Lydia:  **Is he being non-verbal?**

Derek:  **Yes. I don’t like it. My wolf doesn’t like it. It’s unsettling.**

Lydia:  **I’ll be there in seven minutes.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I know it's been a while since I updated. Things have been busy lately. I'm working 5 days a week and then coming home in the afternoons and working on school so I haven't really had the energy to write or post. Hopefully, I can write a little more and post more often. However, this fic might end up being shorter than I had originally wanted it to be.

Derek had slowly become more comfortable with Lydia becoming a member of his pack. She actually fit in as another authority figure. Hell, who was he kidding, he was quietly scared of Lydia. While she came across as small and unassuming, she was a hell of a force to be reckoned with. She was strong, fierce, ruthless when she needed to be, she would never hesitate to throw down to protect the pack, and somehow (and Derek still had not figured this one out) always looked put together, never a hair out of place. And all in heels, he might add. 

Lydia walked in the door, interrupting his thoughts. She held two bags in each hand, looking at him expectantly. Derek hurried to grab all of the bags, lest he experience her cold stare. It was like getting scolded by his mother as a child. 

Lydia sighed and smoothed her clothes down. 

“How long ago was his panic attack?”

“About 45 minutes ago.”

“And he's barely spoken since then?”

Derek nodded, running a hand through his greasy hair. He hadn’t had a bath since the first one Stiles had given him almost two months ago. In his wolf form, that wasn't a problem. But he hadn’t showered as a human since the morning he was captured. 

“I’m assuming you saw the scars when you cleaned him up after his panic attacks?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t going to say anything--I didn’t know if you knew and I didn’t want to expose Stiles like that. He was upset enough when I saw them.”

“That's very loyal of you. I only know about them because he got drunk one night when his dad was pulling a double shift and he called me. When I got here, he was totally gone and I had to get him changed out of his clothes because they had whiskey all over them.”

“I can’t believe he was that drunk. I’m sure he would’ve jumped at the opportunity for you to take his clothes off had he been sober.” Derek chuckled, a little sadly as his wolf whimpered. Stiles was head over heels for Lydia and there was no way he would ever shoot for the other team.

“Wh-I don-You don’t know do you?” Lydia tilted her head at him curiously.

“Know what?” 

“Stiles is gay.”

“Oh.” Derek’s wolf howled out his glee at this revelation. He tamped it down though, vowing to revisit his enthusiasm later. 

“Yeah…”

“What are they from? What caused the scars?” Derek would personally hunt down the person who did this to Stiles and deal with them himself. 

Derek was surprised to see the tears in Lydia’s eyes when she looked up at him.

“Do you remember when everything happened with Jackson on the lacrosse field and then Stiles went missing for a while?”

“Yeah, he told everyone that some of the guys from the other team took him as a cruel joke.” Derek hadn’t actually spoken to Stiles after he got home, too busy with Peter.

“Well, that was a lie. It was Gerard Argent. He took Stiles, Boyd, and Erica to try and get to Scott and to you.”

Derek’s eyes flared red and he wanted to shift back to his wolf and hunt everyone down who had a part to play in what happened to Stiles. He knew that Gerard had taken Erica and Boyd but he didn’t know Stiles was taken too. Erica and Boyd never told him. Then again, they didn’t talk about that experience at all.

“Derek, calm down. Jackson, Scott, Allison, and Chris took care of him already.”

“How come no one told me??”

“Well to be fair, you weren’t approachable then. Plus you had everything with Peter to deal with. And while I am a strong enough woman to face my fears, I wasn’t ready to be anywhere near Peter then. But Derek, you need to understand me when I tell you this is not your fault, okay?”

Derek shook his head, “No, I should-”

“Derek.”

Derek looked at Lydia and the stern, caring, glare had him shutting his mouth instantly. He knew she was right. Lydia was never one to sugarcoat or pull punches. If she said it, she meant it. He had discovered that he was easily able to trust what she said. Well, at least after he had begrudgingly accepted that she was going to be a part of his pack no matter how much he hated her for bringing back his Uncle Peter. He had allowed her to be the only one he didn’t actually growl and yell at. He made that mistake once and had been shocked when she had yelled right back at him. Sometimes he forgot that he had humans (or other supernatural creatures that were not of the werewolf kind) in his pack that weren’t swayed by his Alpha status. Though, something told him that even if Lydia was a werewolf, she would be immune to him. 

Derek sighed, “He’s upstairs. I came down for popcorn and water.” 

Lydia nodded and grabbed two of the bags, making her way up the stairs. Derek followed behind her, expertly balancing the two bottles of water and the bowl of popcorn in one hand and carrying the other two bags Lydia had brought in the other hand. 


End file.
